Thursday, December 6, 2007

Day 3: Nightmares can be a good omen!

I officially entered the detox portion of this journey last night. I was wondering, too, because I felt almost too good for days one and two. Didn't get around to posting since Gary went out of town (Ft. Worth – Sarah,
he’s programming/starting up
your new water treatment plant!) and I'm on the childcare/juggle-your-life/24-7 thing. (I did manage to track my food, see below.) Yet I can tell you with certainty that something has shifted within me. The last few weeks of struggle have turned out to be a watershed moment in my life, separating the wheat from the chaff.

I have been on such an emotional upswing it's almost unbelievable. I fully, one hundred percent, believe in myself, and believe that I can heal from this. I also believe that I have the focus and clarity now that it will take in order to achieve it, and that's what I needed to take some time honing. It's a hard thing to do: Not only what no one else will do, but what many people are appalled that you even want to try, and to do it with conviction and certainty, is a difficult thing. I have acknowledged that for myself.

Let me tell you about my daydream yesterday (and then I'll tell you about that nightmare). I was thinking about that moment when I know that I have finally overcome this thing, who I would like to thank as I throw out that last bottle of levothyroxine: My parents, who have supported me emotionally during this journey; my husband, who's really seen the worst in me and stuck by me nonetheless; Paramahansa Yogananda, my guru, who has taught me to believe in the wonder of myself; Jesus Christ, who taught that love is the greatest gift of all; Bikram Chodhury, who would never take no crap from no one, including me, when I think I can't do it; and my kids who are so precious to me, who gave me a beautiful reason to try to reclaim myself and who teach me that I am worthy of love. Those are a few, and I'm going to keep thanking people (there are a million more) as my healing progresses. So if I didn't mention you, I'm thinking of you. Just wanted to get the gratitude juices flowing.

I think it really helped me tremendously on an emotional level to literally throw out my higher, 112 mcg, dosage, which I happily did on Friday morning. I thought for a nanosecond about keeping it, just in case, but I thought how stupid that would be, because I don't intend to ever need it again. And keeping things like that laying around in a houseful of kids is a health risk, besides. ;-)

I was listening to KPFA radio here in Berkeley yesterday and Frances Moore Lappe was on, author of the groundbreaking ,1971 (?) bestseller Diet for a Small Planet. She said one thing that really made my ears perk up: "What is power? It is simply our capacity to act." And I realized that she hit the nail on the head of what I am experiencing right now. It is when I learn to believe in myself, when I learn that it doesn't matter what someone else's "prognosis" is for me, that I learn that I have power over this thing called illness. I have the capacity to act, and acting I am ...

... and then there's detox. Ai-yai-yai! It really ain't so fun. But it's not so bad this time 'round either. Just groggy ... didn't want to get out of bed. Only a very slight headache though, thankfully. So all in all I have to say it's rather painless. But I did dream last night of drinking a giant cup of coffee with cream while I munched maniacally through a Snickers bar and a packet of Skittles. Sent me into a mental tailspin in this dream too, feeling no hope, feeling controlled by the world around me, etc., etc. And then I woke up from that nightmare and, behold, it was very good. :-) My life was still in my hands! And I realized that I must be -- finally -- growing, because I know that once a fear reaches nightmare proportions, I have immense power to turn my back on it. And I can only get better from here.

  • Juice of 10 oranges (5 cups)
  • 8 fuyu persimmons
  • 8 red bananas blended with 2 stalks celery
  • 4 stalks celery, 3 small zebra tomatoes (last of my garden crop), 1 romaine heart, 1/2 avocado (2 oz); 8 blended tangerines
Calonutrient ratio: 89/5/6


Swayze said...

Hey Stacy! Looks like we are in about the same spot. I am on Day 7 right now since my 30 days. I feel totally in control and confident.

My detox has been minimal so far, just a light headache yesterday afternoon (and that could have been because I tried to read in the car about 30 mins before). :)

I had a nightmare two nights ago and completely forgot until now! I was with my brother and two friends at an amusement park. Before I knew it, I was eating ice cream. I was so upset in my dream, but I could not stop. It wasn't even good, all melted and gross. I woke up so relieved!

Stacy said...

LOL! Funny how you get big pharma dreams on 811! Interesting how we have both had nightmares about food too.

Azura Skye said...

It's so true
we do have the power, but oftentimes we are afraid to allow ourselves to believe we have it and to know that
we can use it.
good post : D

Sarah said...

Stacy I am proud of you! Look at you go.

Your nightmare was quite a nightmare. :) I've actually had dreams (both good and bad) about food since switching over to 811 too! Just a couple of nights ago I dreamt that I was with my parents and we were eating noodles. LOL

Cool to know your DH is working on our water treatment! Can you please get him to make the water really really soft so the no shampoo thing will go better for me? HAHA just kidding. :)

Stacy said...

You crack me up, Sarah! Yes, I'll tell DH to get some kind of water softener in there. You know, on that note, he's been in the water treatment business (and wastewater - ew! - treatment too) for so long that he's really skeptical about all the hoo-ha about having to filter water more. He gets mad at me and my silly Pur water filter. I just say, "But it tastes bad without it!" He says "People have NO IDEA what goes into giving them water," that society has no gratitude for the lavish benefits we receive, which is probably largely true. Anyway, pays my bills! :-)